


Light in the Darkness

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Drama, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-11-27
Updated: 1999-11-27
Packaged: 2018-11-11 02:54:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11139696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Fraser and RayK finish a difficult case.  During some much needed down time Fraser realizes just how good a friend he has in RayK





	Light in the Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

Standard disclaimers: I don't own these characters. More's the pity. I only borrowed them for a little while for my own amusement. No money changed hands...also a pity.

Story summary: RayK and Fraser finish working a tough case and they both need a little down time. Ray and Fraser take a little trip. (Did I mention I suck at this summary stuff....like you couldn't tell?)

Background: This story started out as a random thought brought on by a response to my first story. Something along the lines of how lucky Ray was to have a friend like Fraser. But I got to thinking....a dangerous pursuit at best...that Fraser was just as lucky to have Ray for a friend. And this story sort of ....well, grew out of that thought. I would appreciate feedback...suggestions for improvement, where you think I went wrong, what you liked, or didn't like as the case may be. Katherine_Lehman@blm.gov

Thank You: to Chysothemis....for excellent critique of the first half of this story. My own impatience got the better of me...and I posted this before she had a chance finish beta checking, so any, and all mistakes in this are mine.

Light in the Darkness

Constable Benton Fraser watched as his partner, Ray Vecchio, AKA Ray Kowalski, quietly massaged his temples for the fifth time in as many minutes. Ray had mentioned earlier having a headache, but his whole appearance spoke of something more serious. Something not easily handled with a few aspirin

Ray's blood-shot blue eyes and the dark circles under them were signs of more than one night of too little sleep. The lines of frustration and despair that had marred his features for the past week were now replaced by those of exhausted resignation. His shoulders slumped in defeat. Ray was totally lacking in his usual energy.

Fraser felt as bad as Ray looked. His couldn't seem to keep his shoulders from slumping, mirroring Ray's defeated stance. It was annoying to find that he was too tired to maintain his usually upright posture. His eyes felt gritty, and dry, like he hadn't closed them in days. He had heard his grandmother use the term soul weary and for the first time in his life, Fraser knew exactly what she'd meant.

Their recent case had been brutal. Homicides were always difficult for Ray. And when they involved the sadistic murder of a child, well, they weren't any easier for Fraser. Detailed investigation had linked the victim, a girl of twelve, to three other homicides that had occurred over a period of several weeks. Each girl had been sexually assaulted repeatedly before being strangled, and the bodies dumped in an alley. 

Long hours, extra shifts, and repeated visits to the crime scenes had given them very little. Despite the lack of any concrete evidence, both Ray and Fraser had hoped to catch the killer before another child died. The discovery of a fifth victim had been devastating to both of them. Having finally caught the monster tonight was of little consolation when there was another small body lying in the morgue. 

The whole case left him longing for the quiet snow covered mountains of his home. A place where monsters didn't stalk little girls in the light of day, and vultures masquerading as the media, didn't feed on their remains. Home. Where he was sure of the innate good in people, that right and justice would triumph in the end, and when they did he wouldn't be left feeling like he failed. Right at the moment he'd settle for being able to go back to the consulate and sleep what remained of the night away.

Fraser sighed quietly. Ray looked up, making eye contact. He gave a small, sad half-smile. "Yeah, I know Benton buddy. Me too."

Fraser was certain that Ray knew exactly what he'd been thinking. He was equally certain that Ray had been thinking something similar. Ray had always been very good at reading him, so Fraser wasn't entirely surprised when Ray's eyes narrowed and he seemed to be regarding Fraser suddenly with the intensity of a spot light. 

Ray cocked his head slightly, before asking softly, "You okay?"

Fraser was about to answer when Ray held up a hand halting what he'd been about to say. "Don't answer that. Stupid question. Yer about as okay as I am. I may be damaged, Fraser, but even I know neither of us is exactly okay at the moment." Ray sighed, closed his eyes and began massaging his temples again. 

"Is your headache getting worse, Ray?"

"Nothing a few good nights sleep and a full bottle of aspirin can't cure. Maybe a vacation....a long vacation." 

"Ray?"

For once the blonde detective answered at the first call of his name. "Yeah, Frase?"

"Are we going to be leaving soon?" Fraser was proud that his voice was perfectly normal. It simply wouldn't do for a Mountie to sound as though he was whining. 

"Just as soon as the press clears out. Always a couple of them hang around after the rest leave. Always some eager, Springer wannabe that wants more than the official statement. Don't wanna deal with that tonight. " Ray sighed. " And I was waitin' for Gail in records to call. I need ta know all the paperwork got where it's supposed to be. I don't wanna think about this case once I leave. Want it dotted, filed, in a box marked done."

"Understood."

At that moment the phone on Ray's desk rang. Even though all Fraser could hear was Ray's side of the conversation, it was clear that everything had been put in it's proper place. As soon as Ray hung up he grabbed his jacket and motioned Fraser in the direction of the door.

"Pitter patter let's get at 'er, Fraser."

Neither of them moved with their customary speed, much to the disgust of Diefenbaker. Dief ran ahead to wait impatiently beside Ray's GTO. Fraser found himself thinking of just how dark the nearly empty parking lot was. Thinking of how easy it had been for five little girls to be abducted. How they had likely been abused in this same kind of empty darkness, where no one could see their fear, or know of their pain. It was depressing.

Ray unlocked the passenger door for him before heading around the car. Fraser had pushed the seat forward to let Dief take up his customary seat in the back. To his surprise Ray didn't immediately get in the car. Instead the slender blonde rested against the car, his head tilted back, eyes closed, breathing deeply. 

"Are you all right, Ray?" 

"Yeah. Just trying to...what do ya call it?...purge my thoughts. Leave the crap behind. Ever since I started this gig....bein' a cop I mean, not just the Vecchio thing...I've tried not to bring the job home with me. Can't help it when I'm workin' a case. But once its done, I try not to drag all that baggage around with me. Gets heavy after awhile." 

Ray breathed deeply again and let it out slowly. He opened his eyes and smiled ruefully at Fraser. " If I can ditch this shit here, then maybe, just maybe, I can sleep without havin' nightmares." 

"Do you often have nightmares?"

"No. And I wanna keep it that way." Ray opened the door and settled himself into the driver seat effectively ending the conversation. The trip to the consulate was made silence.

Ray pulled up in front of the consulate, essentially parking illegally. Fraser made to open the door but was halted by Ray's hand on his arm. 

When Ray didn't say anything for several minutes Fraser decided to prompt him. "Ray?"

"You think you could get the Ice Queen to give you the next couple of days off?"

Fraser decided to overlook Ray's reference to his superior, Inspector Thatcher, and answered the question. "I have a number of personal days that I could request. Why?"

Ray shrugged, and looked away, embarrassed. He gestured vaguely with his hands when he began speaking. "I was goin' ta ask Welsh for a few days. We put in a lot of overtime with this case, so I'm pretty sure he won't say no. Was thinking about....gettin' out of Chicago for a few days. Change of scenery and all that. I know you're probably better able to handle this stuff than me. Hell, your better at everything than me. Gonna take more than a few deep breaths in a parking lot for me to totally ditch this...an' I thought you might need ta get away for a while too....I mean if you're not busy or got somethin' pressing here that the Ice Queen needs done, although I can't imagine what she might consider pressing 'sides picking up her dry cleaning--" 

"Ray. Ray. Ray. Ray!!?"

"What?"

"You're babbling."

"Oh, right. Sorry." Ray ducked his head briefly.

"Its okay I think getting away from Chicago for a few days is an excellent idea."

"You do?" Ray's head came up and he looked at Fraser with surprise.

"Yes. I do. I shall submit my request for use of a few personal days tomorrow. Inspector Thatcher has already warned me about accruing too many, so I don't image she will have any objections."

Ray responded with a bright smile so warm that Fraser felt for a brief moment liked he'd stepped into a sunbeam.

"Great. That is just greatness, Fraser. I'll swing by and get you and Dief around noon. That work for you?"

"Noon should be fine." Fraser was pleasantly surprised that Ray planned to include Dief. He was out of the car, Dief at his side, before he thought to ask where they would be going. 

"Place I haven't been to in a long time." Ray's voice sounded almost wistful. " Don't worry, Fraser. You'll like it. I think even Dief will like it."

********************************************************************************

At precisely 11:55 am the next day, Fraser heard Turnbull greet Ray with his customary "Welcome to Canada, Detective Vecchio." Turnbull had taken to greeting Ray that way ever since the Volpe case when Ray had sought refuge in the Consulate. Depending on his mood, Ray would sometimes pause to tease Turnbull. Fraser decided his mood must be very good because Ray spent several minutes with him in the foyer. 

Fraser was distracted from their conversation by a vocalization from Diefenbaker. "Yes, Ray is here." Dief made an inquiring noise. "No, I don't know where we are going. You're just going to have to be patient." Another vocalization that Fraser decided is was best not to respond to. Honestly, some days the wolf could be so childish.

Fraser turned toward his office door when a soft tap indicated Ray was standing in the doorway. He was dressed in his characteristic jeans, t-shirt and leather jacket. Fraser noticed immediately that Ray looked much better than he had the previous night. He'd obviously gotten some real sleep. Fraser was grateful that at least one of them had. His own night had been far from restful. 

Every time he closed his eyes last night all he could see was the face of the last victim . Jennifer Merrick. Her short brown hair, brown eyes, slight overbite, her nose turned up a little at the end. She had haunted him. They had devoted every single day for close to a month to capturing the killer. He should have been in jail before she ever had the misfortune to cross his path. Judging by the concerned look on Ray's face, Fraser decided that he probably didn't look much better than he had last night. 

"You okay?"

Fraser nodded. "I just didn't sleep very well last night."

Ray's noncommittal "Hmmm." made Fraser aware of just why Ray found that particular sound so annoying when he did it. Fraser chose to ignore it, deciding his annoyance was merely the result of being tired that made him react in an uncharacteristic fashion. He elected to change the topic of conversation.

"Since you didn't tell me where we are going, I wasn't sure what to pack." It felt odd to pack only civilian attire since Fraser rarely went anywhere without his uniform. He was hoping Ray would give him some indication today of where they were headed so he could be sure he was adequately prepared.

Ray chuckled. "Bein' a Boy Scout and all, I am sure you'll be prepared for anythin'. Don't sweat it. Just grab yer stuff and let's hit the road." 

Fraser shouldered his pack and followed Ray to the car. Ray opened the trunk for Fraser to stow his pack next to Ray's own duffle bag. Judging by the size of it, Ray hadn't packed much. No clue there as to the ultimate destination. 

"Are we going to eat lunch before we leave, Ray?"

"I already ate, Frase. But I did bring something for you. Even got somethin' for Dief."

"Nothing with chocolate, I hope."

"Nah. Ya said chocolate is bad for him." 

Fraser found that Ray had gotten his favorite sandwich from the local deli he favored, and a rawhide bone for Dief. Dief was chewing enthusiastically on it before Ray had even pulled away from the curb. Given the almost sacred regard Ray had for the GTO, Fraser was surprised that Ray would allow either himself or Dief to eat within its confines. Between Ray and his father's devotion the car was practically all original parts, except for maybe the up-graded sound system that Ray had insisted on.

They pulled on to interstate 90 and headed North. Ray had put a jazz CD on and was tapping his thumbs in rhythm to the music. Fraser found himself relaxing, enjoying the music, the drive and Ray's company. For some reason, his volatile, frantically energetic friend always made him feel calm. Like all was right with the world. Like there was nothing the two of them couldn't handle as long as they were together. Fraser felt himself beginning to doze and shook himself.

"You can nap if ya wanna, Frase. It'll be a couple of hours till we get there." 

"Where exactly is 'there', Ray?"

Ray gave him a sly look from the corner of his eye, smiled, and hummed along with the music. Fraser sighed. He should have realized that when Ray didn't tell him last night, he simply wasn't going to. 

Given how poorly he'd slept, Fraser decided that a nap might not be a bad idea after all. Between the steady hum of tires on the pavement, the music, and Ray's presence, Fraser felt himself drifting again. He couldn't have stayed awake even if he had wanted to.

Fraser slowly awoke later, conscious that the car was no longer moving, and that Ray had just shut the door. He stretched slowly, opening his eyes to look over at Ray. Ray was smirking back at him.

"So sleeping beauty awakes."

Fraser yawned, raising a hand to cover his mouth as he did so. "Excuse me. How long was I asleep?"

"Bout four hours."

"Four hours? Have you been driving all that time?"

Ray shrugged. "No big deal. 'Sides we're here. Or almost. Just had to get the key to the cabin. We'll actually be there in another ten minutes or so."

Fraser glanced out the window, realizing for the first time they were parked in front of what appeared to be someone's home. Or it could have been considered a private residence if not for the sign that read, Castle Lake Cabins Special Weekly Rates. The entire area was surrounded by trees. Fraser blinked. Trees? There were no other buildings in sight. 

"Ray...Where are we?"

"Castle Lake, Wisconsin." Ray continued speak as he turned the GTO , and headed slowly down a gravel road that Fraser hadn't noticed. "I haven't been here since" a small pause as Ray apparently thought about that. "Guess the last time I was here was right after I decided to quit college. " Ray shook his head. "Wow. Damn near a lifetime ago. Place doesn't seem to have changed much." 

Fraser was surprised by the mixture of relief and awe he heard in that statement. Ray had always given him the impression that he was a city-boy, born and bred. When Ray mentioned wanting to leave the city for a few days, this was definitely not what Fraser expected.

"I thought you said leaving the city made you break out in a skin condition." 

Ray laughed out loud. "Fergot I'd actually said that." He sighed softly. "This place is different. Me and it have some history together. And it's got all the comforts of home. Electricity, indoor plumbing, well stocked cupboards, even a maid ta clean the room if you want. "

Small wooden signs placed along the road indicated how to access various cabins. Ray turned right at the one indicating cabin number four. He parked the GTO beside a small, rustic cabin. 

"Each cabin is like a quarter mile apart. Far enough you don't have ta meet the neighbors if ya don't wanna. Wouldn't call it wilderness, but it's a lot closer to it than the park."

Fraser had to agree that this setting was definitely a close approximation to wilderness than the city park he'd camped in on occasion. Getting out of the car, he breathed deeply. The air was crisp, clean. Like home. In the distance Fraser was certain he'd heard the call of a loon. Fraser loved that sound.

Diefenbaker whined. He too wanted out. Before letting the wolf from the confines of the car, Fraser ordered him to stay close. Dief bounded into the woods with a joyous yip. 

"See? Told ya even Dief would like this place."

"So you did, Ray. So you did." Fraser couldn't get over the beautiful vista before him. To the east he could easily make out the edge of a lake he assumed to be Castle Lake. Even with his keen hearing he couldn't make out the sounds of other people. 

Ray had retrieved their bags from the trunk. He casually tossed Fraser his pack before heading up the steps of the cabin to the deck. Fraser followed slowly. He was still having trouble reconciling the current setting with the Ray he knew.

"Ray?"

"Yeah, Fraser?" Ray had just put a key in the door.

"You said you had a history with this place?"

Ray nodded, pushing open the door. He smiled and winked at Fraser. "An' if you ask me nice, I just might tell you the story." With that Ray entered the cabin.

The interior of the cabin was laid out simply, with the main room a combination of kitchen, dining room, and living room. The west wall was dominated by a large stone fireplace, which Fraser noted with approval was designed to burn wood, not one of those "fake" fires that burned gas. An open door lead to the bathroom. As Ray had indicated, it did indeed have indoor plumbing. The was only one other room, and Fraser assumed it was a bedroom. So while not luxurious, Fraser couldn't really think of the cabin as roughing it. Apparently neither did Ray.

Ray walked into the bedroom. He tossed his duffle bag lightly on to one of the quilt covered twin beds. He then went back to the kitchen area, opened the small refrigerator and removed a beer. He opened it, taking a small sip with a sigh of satisfaction.

"Stow your stuff in the bedroom. No sleepin' on the floor here. Thank god. " Following Ray's example, Fraser left his pack lying on one of the beds, before following Ray back outside. Ray promptly sat down in one of the deck chairs, propping his feet up on the railing, and took another sip of his beer. He closed his eyes, and tilted his face up to catch the late afternoon sunshine.

Fraser sat in the deck chair adjacent to Ray's. He closed his eyes, breathing in the scents of the forest surrounding them. He could almost imagine that he was back in Canada. This was just the thing he needed to sooth his troubled spirit. Fraser wondered if Ray had read something in him that spoke of his need to escape the darkness of Chicago. Ray was very perceptive. He could have picked up on Fraser's need before Fraser himself was even aware of it. Fraser was suddenly intensely grateful that his friend could read him so well. 

"Ray. Ray. Ray. Ray?"

"Yeah?" Ray took long drink from his beer, before tilting his face into the sun again.

"When you mentioned getting away from the Chicago for I few days...I confess this isn't exactly the type of place I envisioned. Not that there is anything wrong with it. On the contrary, it is perfect in fact. It doesn't really seem to be the sort of place you would choose. "

"I know. Kinda surprised me to. But after this last case....I just didn't wanna be around too many people, you know? I mean that guy looked like any other schmuck of the street. Couldn't tell just by looking at him that he'd be the kind of guy who'd get off on hurtin' little girls. Kinda scares ya to think that monsters like that are lurkin' all over Chicago. I guess...I just wanted to go somewhere that didn't seem ...I don't know...so damn dark. Somewhere that you could actually believe there were good people." 

Ray chuckled suddenly. He turned to look at Fraser, his pale blue eyes meeting and holding Fraser's darker counterparts. "Thinking of good people...well to be honest, Fraser you are about the only really good person I know. Kinda made me think about where you come from. Like maybe there is somethin' in the air...maybe aliens landed." Ray waved a hand in a expansive gesture toward the sky. "For some reason that got me to thinkin' about this place. Haven't been here in over a decade and all of a sudden I just want ta come see if it's the same as I remember." 

Ray took another sip from his beer, and shrugged. "Besides, I figured you'd like it. I mean its not some igloo perched on an ice floe in the middle of some glacier, but if that's where you want ta spend the next three days....then Benton buddy you are definitely on your own."

Fraser smiled. "Understood."

Ray finished his beer and place the bottle on the deck. He slouched further into the chair, yawning widely. Despite the fact that he looked better this morning than he had the previous night, Fraser could see signs of lingering exhaustion. Ray was still moving with less than his usual energy. It would take more than one night of sleep to compensate for the past month. Fraser felt selfish for sleeping the for the entire journey. He should have stayed awake and kept Ray company. 

"I'm sorry, Ray."

"Unh...Sorry? Fer what?"

"I should not have dozed off in the car."

"Okay. Whatever." Ray's tone clearly indicated he was simply indulging Fraser.

"I am serious, Ray. You've put as much time into this case as I have. Maybe even more. You're still tired. I should have at least kept you company, or offered to drive."

Ray's eyes sparkled with good humor. "Wouldn't have let you drive. Took five hours as it was, an' the way you drive we'd never have gotten here." Ray snorted. "You'd have gone the posted limit the whole way. That would have taken way, way too long. Sides, you didn't even know where we were going. " 

"You could have told me." Fraser pointed out reasonably.

Ray shrugged. "Woulda ruined the surprise."

Just then Dief bounded up the stairs. He pounced on Ray and began enthusiastically licking Ray's face. Ray tolerated this attention for a minute before softly grabbing the wolf's muzzle.

"Yer welcome, Dief. Glad it meets with your approval. Now Get. Off. Me." The wolf complied, his body all but vibrating with excitement. Fraser put his head in his hands muttering "a disgrace to your breed." 

Ray stood up raised his arms overhead and stretched to his full height. Several vertebrae announced their presence by popping loudly. Fraser winced, but Ray seemed unaffected. He then bent from the waist, legs straight, letting his fingertips brush against the deck. Picking up the empty beer bottle as he straightened upright. 

"If it'll make you feel better, Frase, you can make dinner."

"Certainly, Ray. I believe you mentioned something about the cupboards being well stocked?"

"Yeah." Ray turned, heading back inside, with Dief on his heels. "When I made the reservations, I asked 'em to stock up on stuff. All part of the service. "

Fraser checked the cupboards and the refrigerator noting that they were stocked with a surprising amount of healthy fare. They also contained several of Ray's favorite junk foods. He smiled realizing that Ray must have specified what he wanted when making the reservations. Fraser was touched that Ray had obviously considered Fraser's preferences in addition to his own. 

"What would you like for dinner, Ray?"

"Whatever you feel like making." 

Ray came out of the bedroom with several CD's in his hands. Fraser hadn't noticed the stereo in the corner, but Ray must have know about it. He loaded three CD's and set the volume at a low level. Something instrumental that Fraser didn't recognize softly filled the room. Ray danced his way into the kitchen area, retrieved another beer, before dancing his way over to the couch. Fraser envied his graceful way of moving, effortlessly in rhythm with the music. Despite his natural grace and coordination, even knowing how to play the piano, Fraser had never mastered dancing. 

"How does spaghetti sound?"

"Cool. Long as you don't cook it in the fireplace." 

Fraser chuckled remembering Ray's reaction to his efforts to prove that everything, even spaghetti, was better when cooked over an open fire. Fraser had been forced to admit he may have been wrong about that. 

Ray suggested a game of chess after dinner. The coffee table had a chessboard pattern on top, and pieces were stored in the drawer. Fraser won the first game. Ray won the second. Setting up the board for a third game, Fraser noticed when Ray shivered.

"Are you cold, Ray? I could light a fire."

"Nah. I'm good." Another shiver betrayed that lie. Fraser regarded Ray steadily. "Okay. Okay. You can light a fire if you wanna." 

While Fraser busied himself with checking the flue, placing the wood, and lighting the fire. Ray wondered into the kitchen. He came back minutes later carrying two mugs. Ray sipped at a cup of hot chocolate topped with whip cream, and handed Fraser the other mug. Fraser sipped at it, amazed to discover it was bark tea. Knowing Ray requested it be stocked just for him warmed Fraser more than the tea itself.

"Thank you kindly, Ray."

"Any time, Frase."

Ray yawned several times during the course of the third game. Fraser watched with inner amusement as Ray tried unsuccessfully to keep his eyes open. Despite his half-closed eyes, barely awake appearance, Ray managed to win the game. 

"Ray, maybe we should turn in?"

Ray looked down at his watch and grimaced. "I can not believe that it's not even eight thirty. "

"It has been a rough couple of weeks, Ray."

"That it has, Fraser. That it has. You wanna use the bathroom first."

"No. You go ahead. I'll clean up here."

Fraser put the chess pieces away, and carried the mugs back to the kitchen. He decided to do the dishes he had left to soak after dinner. He was finished by the time Ray exited the bathroom. He took his turn preparing for bed and then joined Ray in the bedroom. Dief had chosen to sleep on the rug in front of the fireplace.

"Fraser, I am like gonna sleep til noon. If you get up at oh dark thirty, do me a favor and be quiet."

"Of course, Ray."

He heard Ray roll over, snuggle into the blankets and sigh, finding a comfortable position. "Last time I was here I seem to remember their bein' horses ta ride if you wanted. Some trail stuff or whatever. Thought you bein' a Mountie you might wanna do that. Ya kin..." there was a pause as Ray yawned ," ask at the office. Where I stopped...ta pick up...the key." 

"I'll look into it tomorrow." Fraser was delighted with the prospect that he might be able to go riding. It felt like forever since he'd been on a horse. Despite Ray's statement that he had a history with this place, Fraser was beginning to wonder if Ray hadn't chosen it specifically for him. It seemed to be offering everything Fraser needed to help put their last case behind him. 

Ray had indicated earlier that he would tell him the story behind his relationship with this place if Fraser asked nicely. But that would have to wait until tomorrow. Fraser could hear Ray's gentle snores and knew it wouldn't be long before he too fell asleep.

*****************************************************************************

The next morning Fraser had awoken at his usual time, feeling well rested for the first in a month. He could barely make out Ray in the other bed, only his blonde hair and the vaguely Ray sized lump in the bed gave any clue that he was there. As Ray requested, Fraser got dressed quietly. He left a note on the table telling Ray he was going to the office to see if a mount was available. He was taking Diefenbaker and should be back in time for lunch. 

The manager at the office had inquired about his riding experience before assigning him a mount. When Fraser mentioned being a Mountie with the RCMP, she decided on a young bay gelding she called Samson. Fraser was delighted with him. Samson would have made a good mount for the RCMP. He took direction willingly, and seemed as eager to explore the trails around the lake as Fraser was. Dief ran ahead of them, darting off into the trees whenever something caught his attention. Fraser wished Ray was with him. Maybe tomorrow if his partner was willing.

A quick glance at the sun and Fraser urged Samson into a canter. He had lost track of time reveling in how good it felt to be on a horse again. The effortless play of muscle moving as he directed, feeling the almost immediate response to his commands, the feeling of being one with such a powerful animal was heady. Fraser couldn't believe he'd ever forgotten how good it felt to ride. But it was time to get back. Fortunately the trail they were on circled back to the office, leaving him with plenty of time to get back to the cabin by noon. 

Fraser hadn't really expected that Ray would make good on his statement about sleeping until noon. Ray was as much an early riser as he was. He expected to find Ray on the deck, or in the kitchen. But Ray wasn't there. He wasn't in the bedroom either. Puzzled Fraser went back into the kitchen. On the table was the note he'd left earlier. Picking it up he realized Ray had written across the bottom. In Ray's bold, oddly slanted handwriting was a message //Fraser. Went down to the lake. Come get me when you get back//

"Well, Dief, shall we got get Ray, and see about some lunch?" The wolf barked in agreement, always eager to eat. 

Fraser found the trail through the trees that led to the lake. Ray was on the wooden dock that jutted out into the water, holding what appeared to be a fishing pole. Fishing pole? Fraser looked again. Yes. It was indeed a fishing pole. He watched in astonishment as Ray, with a simple, deft flick of his wrist, executed a perfect cast. 

"Hey, Frase. Have a good ride?"

"Yes. Very. I...Ray? "

"Yeah?" 

"I didn't know you fished."

Ray shrugged one shoulder, before he winked at Fraser. "Ya never asked."

"No I guess I never did." Fraser paused, debating with himself silently. "You said yesterday, that if I asked you nicely, you would tell me about your history with this place."

Ray nodded. "I seem to remember saying somethin' along those lines." Ray reeled in his line, executed another graceful cast, before sitting down next to Dief on the dock. Ray smiled slightly, not looking at Fraser. "So, are you gonna ask me?"

Fraser settled himself on the dock with Dief between them. "Ray, would you please tell me about your history with this place? I would very much like to know."

Ray laughed. "Oh, very nice." He played with the fishing line for moment. Ray looked out over the lake, but his face had that distant expression Fraser knew meant he wasn't really seeing it.

"My uncle, Dave, used to come up here every chance he got. He liked to get away from the Chicago whenever he could. He was into the quiet, country kind of thing. Drove my Aunt Helen nuts that he always wanted to come up here. She was more in ta shopping, cultural stuff like the opera or the ballet." Ray shook his head slightly. "They were kind of an odd couple, but it worked for them. Ended up having three kids....all girls. I think Dave kind of always wanted a boy. Not that he didn't love my cousins, it was just ...you know, he wanted a son he could do stuff with like I did with my dad." Fraser nodded his understanding. Many men seemed to prefer sons to daughters.

"Funny thing is that I think my dad was jealous of Dave. Sometimes girls are easier than boys...least my cousins seemed to be easy. Not like me. I was kind of ...well,..uh....difficult, would probably the best way to put it. I wasn't into drugs or alcohol or any serious trouble, it was.....I guess you could say that from the time I turned thirteen, my dad and me didn't see eye to eye on anything. Long as we were doing stuff...like working on cars, or boxing or whatever we were fine, but we couldn't say ten words to each other without one of us just going off." Ray fell silent. He breathed deeply before letting it out in a long sigh. 

"Anyway, after one particularly nasty little scene, I stormed out. Ended up heading down the street, and the next thing I knew I was at Uncle Dave's. He was gettin' ready to come here, and I asked him if I could come along. He just told me to hop in and off we went. Sort of ended up being a pattern. Me and Dad would go at each other, I'd go to see Dave, and we'd end up at Castle Lake. Summer I turned sixteen it seemed like I spent more time here than I did at my house." 

"Dave was always cool about it. I could talk to him the way I couldn't talk with my dad." Ray's expression turned thoughtful for a moment. "Never thought of him bein' like you...." Ray shrugged one shoulder and then continued. "Fraser, before I met you, my Uncle Dave was the only person I could say never, ever lied to me. Not once. He was always a straight shooter. Never pulled his punches. Sometimes, I think that's what made him easy to talk to. If he thought I was bein' an asshole, he'd tell me so. If he thought my dad was bein' unfair, he'd tell me that too. He talked to me like an adult, which was pretty damn cool when I was only fourteen. He taught me how to play chess, how ta fish, and filled me in on all that life lesson stuff."

"Life lesson stuff?"

Ray grinned. "Yeah. You know...stuff like how to stay out of trouble, what to do when you get in trouble, and the real biggie...how to talk to girls. He was the one who convinced me ta learn how to dance. Said every woman wants to be asked to dance." Ray's voice and expression changed so that Fraser would tell he was quoting his uncle. "All things being equal, nothing gives a man a better chance of impressing a woman than knowing how to dance."

"That would certainly seem to be good advice."

Ray shrugged. "Worked with Stella. Sort of. Gave me a chance to get to know her even if I never really impressed her."

When Fraser said "ah" Ray shot him a disgusted look. "I hate it when you do that. Never know if that is a good 'ah' or a bad 'ah'."

"It isn't good or bad, Ray."

"Uh-hunh."

Fraser sat quietly processing what Ray had told him. It still left him with a question. "Ray...you said yesterday that the last time you were here was right after you decided to quit college, and that your father...well that he wasn't...that is to say, he didn't approve of your choice to enter the academy."

"That is one way of puttin' it."

"You've indicated a pattern of your visits to Castle Lake centered around your, rather...well, turbulent, for lack of a better word, relationship with father. A relationship which has to date, I was given to understand, was actually on better footing than its ever been. And you've apparently not felt the need to return here in....I believe, you said it was close to a decade since you'd come back here." Fraser, receiving an impatient look, spoke faster. " So...I am wondering why you felt the need to come back here now. I know you said yesterday that you simply felt the need to get away from Chicago, to get away from people, a feeling I can understand, but ....well to be honest, I can't help feeling that there might be more to it than that."

"Truth?" Ray bit his lower lip looking slightly apprehensive.

"Always."

Ray took a deep breath, and seemed to brace himself. "You know some times bein' a cop really sucks. You get to see a lot of ugly stuff. This last case was the rule not the exception. There are more sickos in Chicago than you can shake a stick at. Given half a chance, I figure most of the people you meet on the street would screw you over if they thought they could get away with it. And believe me, Fraser, expecting the worst from people hasn't left me feeling disappointed very often. " 

"But you, " Ray made eye contact with Fraser, " seem to think that people are just naturally good and decent. That they'd do the right thing if you showed 'em what the right thing was. And cause you believe in them, I think they want to do the right thing. Hell, I know I do stuff for you that I wouldn't do for any one else on the planet. I let you endanger my life in wildly bizarre ways because its all in the pursuit of truth, justice and what ever cause you care to name." 

Ray waved a hand in frustration, raising his voice slightly. "See...what I'm trying to say is that I don't want you to be a cynic like me. I mean, I know I give you a hard time about bein' a freak and tell you its stupid to look on the bright side, but...the truth is I don't want the stuff you see in Chicago...all the dark and ugly, the mean and cruel stuff, all the nasty crap people do to each other to keep you from expecting the best from people." 

Ray's gaze went back to the water. When he spoke again the volume had dropped to just above a whisper, but the intensity was, if anything, greater. "Sometimes, I think that there are things out that exist only cause someone believes in them. An' one of those things is the good in people. I need for one of us to believe, or everything I put up with on the job just ain't worth it. I know, Fraser, I *know * it won't be me who sees the good in people, so its gotta be you. Only time I ever really came close to believing that not every one was just watching out for himself and ta hell with everyone else, was when I was here. I was worried that Chicago might be gettin' to you...so I brought you to the one place I knew was more light than dark. Close as I could get to Canada on short notice. " 

Ray hung his head. His hands fiddled with the fishing pole he still held. "I know its stupid. You got a better handle on stuff than I ever will. Just looking at a corpse makes me wanna toss my cookies, but there you are licking shoes, or smelling its breath." Ray shuddered slightly. 

"But I couldn't help worrying that this last case might have...well, I know what it did ta me inside to see those little girls just dumped in an alley like yesterday's garbage." Ray closed his eyes tightly. "They were just little kids...should have been safe. Was my job, Fraser, *my job* to make sure that they were. I know I can't keep them from gettin' hurt, but I want to. If I'd been a better cop, then maybe Jennifer Merrick wouldn't be dead. "

Fraser placed a hand on Ray's shoulder, squeezing slightly. "You are a good cop, Ray. A very good cop. We both did our best...no one can ask more of you than that. And we might not have saved Jennifer, or the others, but we did keep him from hurting any one else. You have very good instincts-"

Ray snorted. "Not good enough."

Fraser placed his hand gently under Ray's chin forcing his partner to look at him. "Ray, all you need to remember is the same thing that I need to remember...that we did catch him. We *did* stop him. He is going to go to jail for a very long time, and it is because of us that he wont be able to hurt anyone else. That we did our best...logic and instinct together make a very good team."

Ray gave him a half-smile. "Thanks, Frase."

Fraser was relieved at this small indicator that his partner's mercurial moods were again on the up swing. For some time now Fraser had become aware that all was not right in his world, if all was not right with Ray. His partner's well being, was rapidly becoming essential to his own. It surprised him to learn that Ray harbored similar feelings. 

"Ray...you do have very good instincts, my friend. You were right."

Ray shot him a slightly puzzled look. "I was right? Bout what" 

"Coming here. It was something I did need. I know you think I am better able to handle the.... what was it you called it? Ah, yes, the ugly stuff of police work. But the truth is...I was starting to feel a little...well suffocated by Chicago and this last case. I hadn't realized just how much I needed to get away from it until I was here. Thank you for that. For recognizing a need that I wasn't even aware of. You have no idea how much it means to know you are watching out for me."

"Oh, I know how much it means." Fraser could see that Ray was being entirely sincere, but he couldn't fail to notice a sparkle of mischief in those pale blue eyes. "It means you have ta clean the fish I caught." 

"Fish? What fish, Ray?"

Ray reached behind a dock pylon and retrieved a cooler that Fraser hadn't noticed. He opened to reveal four moderately sized rainbow trout. "These fish, Frase. You didn't think I spent all morning on this stupid dock without catchin' something, did ya? I hate cleaning fish. Only part of the whole fishing thing I could never get into. Uncle Dave always did it." Ray got up and reeled in his line. "What'd ya think Dief? Fresh fish for lunch." With that both he and the wolf started back to the cabin. 

As often as Ray's rapid emotional shifts left him dizzy trying to keep up, he was still grateful that Ray could shift so easily from one emotion to another. It was normal for Ray, and was rapidly becoming a normal part of Fraser's world as well. Shaking his head in bemusement, Fraser got up to follow both his friends. 

*******************************************************************************

The next two days at Castle Lake were spent in ways similar to the first. When it was time to leave, Fraser could feel a certain restless anticipation pouring off Ray. Castle Lake had been a nice retreat, but it wasn't really Ray's place. The slender, blonde detective had come here to recharge his batteries, and ensure Fraser's well being. But now it was time to get back to the bustle and energy of the urban environment that was his home. Fraser understood. The quiet retreat had been a balm on his wounded soul, but he too was ready to return to Chicago. 

When Ray dropped off the key to the cabin, Fraser couldn't help but notice that he moved with his usual eager, almost frantic energy. It brought to mind self-test strips on batteries. Ray was definitely back up to 100%. And it was good to see him back to his usual self. 

Ray put the car in gear, leaving Castle Lake behind them. It wasn't long before the GTO was back on the interstate headed for Chicago. 

Just outside the city limits, Ray put in a CD that was something up beat. It had him bouncing along in his seat. He flashed a quick grin at Fraser.

"Ready get back to busting the bad guys?"

"Quite."

"Good. Cause I'm sure the place is full of them."

The end.


End file.
